OCTOBER, is not a great month for me.
First week of the month had spent on my Term 1 exam.
Well, I'm not saying October is a bad month for me because of exam.
What bother me most in this month ...
Friendship...
unable to stop myself from being immerse in the ocean of emo. I have to hold my emotions for my Term 1 exam. What a suffering experience. I don't want my emotion to affect my Term 1 examination which contribute 15% for my foundation programme.
But, how hard I tried to hold....I'm still crying deep inside my heart. I heard he's crying...Finally, the feeling burst at the last night for my Term 1. My mind not under my control anymore. I unable to act cool anymore. I failed.... I unable to put a smile infront of my friends. I unable to hide it anymore.
Too many happened in this month...
Had a fight with my step brother since my examination start. Well, not his fault. Just, I'm the one too sensitive.
I fed up, keep being the one to sacrifice. Yes, you have the right to love your girlfriend. But, it is not your right to keep neglect and sacrifice me for your relationship.I'm a human being, I have a heart pumping inside me, I have feeling too. I feel desperate everytime you left me. Yes, you have no mistake. It is normal for a boy to go crazy for a girl. Since you can be like that, It is also normal for me to say I HATE that bitch. You used to be the place for me to rely on, we used to share all the problems together. It's past, you have changed since you meet her. I remember everythings you made from the beginning until today. Yes, I shouldnt say all these, but I can't take it all by myself. I choose to write it out. Even , NO ONE want to hear me.
I definitely hoping, you will change, at least treat me better , like a brother or a friend.
But, what I can see is you treat everyone better than me.
here's a tale...
A stranger, you don't mind everything , even your own safetiness to meet him. You never know, how worry am I. BUT, how disappointing is, your most beloved girlfriend, dont even stop your action. Shame... Even I told my housemate about this, they all disagree with your action. I phoned you, and You keep saying nevermind. I have nothing to say, I'm speechless to ur immaturity. I'm speechless to her stupidity. I'm cant feedback to your innocent. What make me happy is, I confirmed my views are not definite wrong when I get known your mum and brother opinions during Raya holidays. Two of them are at my side. Since you not appreciate all my concern on you, I'll take it all back. Well, another change of view for me toward you two.Love, nah... these 2 are not enough in this field. silly...what I can say, the girl didnt take her responsibility to advise her boy to stop his dangerous move. For boy, not mature enough. Not even know how to care of himself,so he able to take care of the girl? funny.  Nevermind, for Taurus, they never know how to improve themselve. they just know emo, then nothing will change.
Taurus, they are selfish. Care only for themselve. Never care of other feeling. for them, only them are human. pathetic...

Want to express my anger , end up You asking me
: "你在恐吓我吗？"
Very funny....  How come I would waste my time , giving concern to this kind of shit.
Well , You on my nerves now. Wanna kill me? anytime...

" maturity is not depend on the age  "

There are still many other cases...
Forget about the hopeless taurus,
another bad thing after that,
well, this is for the guy, who I'm still owe him Five ringgits.
Your sudden disappear, make me and other friends worry of you. Every call to you, directed to voicemail.
I hope, you can take this period, to pull urself together.
"we have to accept things that is fixed"
Hope to hear your news soon.
It is very frustrating, when you have a heavy stone in your heart, and you dont know who can help you to handle it.
When I try to speak out, feel like no one could hear me.
Every phone call are not picked up.
"Life is lonely..."
Next,
it is sad to hear a friend is moving to another University next week. But, I respect your decision. Since it is your choice. Wish you happy.
But, this make me think of,
my own failure...
Envy on your braveness. Envy on your opportunity.
Envy on your family.
You dont have to worry on your financial , you have the opportunity the chance to chase for your own Dreams.
I got the opportunity too... but, I unable to bear it.... family , finance...
Actually, I got the chance.....
by, it is my destiny....... i have to accept it
it's Time for me to change my views.
What I want ....
A person, who truly concern of me. Never neglect me. A shoulder that always there for me to rely on. A support theres always there for me.
A better future...
please... god please....
Please .... Don't give me any Hard challenges in my life...
I had enough of it since I'm standard 3....
9 years... it is already 9 years... 9 years full of sadness and challenges....
I need a support...
I give myself... all to you now...
" A better tomorrow ... "